so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He told me they were just razor bumps!
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if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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