One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have feelings that need drinking.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
