i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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