Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
