Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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