My nipple is on Facebook.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
