My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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