Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
