a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
