I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
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She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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