The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
