ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
