...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
