you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
