he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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