Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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