You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize