Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you had me at cake vodka
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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