if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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