The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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