whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I bet he comes in French.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
