well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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