this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
