I got chris browned last night
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
