Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
