I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
