I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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