Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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