I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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