Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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