I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
