I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
