I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i drank out of a bidet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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