If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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