I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize