i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
