So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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