Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
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He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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