Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The uberlube is also flammable
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
