I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
