i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
