SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
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