I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
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Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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