She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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