Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
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Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize