i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
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he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
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Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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