too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
