u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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