You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."