DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat