I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
