my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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