I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .