i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.