I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no