maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.