I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Someone stole a lamp last night.