just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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