Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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