Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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