if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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