Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
