I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
