I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
